For years, I believed that if I could just find the right relationship, the perfect job, or the validation of others, everything would fall into place.
But when I stopped waiting for someone else’s approval or rushing towards a certain milestone, I realized how much stronger and more in control of my thinking I had to change my own life—and my career.
Waiting around for others and playing the waiting game cost me years of progress. All because I didn’t trust myself; I relied on external validation to feel good about who I was and the progress I was making in my career and in my relationships. Because of this, I stayed stuck in roles and relationships that, if I was being myself, didn’t fulfill me.
Once I started to practice asking myself, "Is this right for me?" "Does this make me happy?" "Is this really what I want to do?" everything changed. I began showing up for myself—confident, capable, and ready to take on new challenges and try new things. I stopped waiting for others to give me permission to succeed.
Now I know that self-love will give you the courage to pursue new opportunities, take on more leadership roles, and trust your instincts in ways you haven't before. It transformed my career—not just in terms of success, but in the way I approached my work and my purpose.
I even wrote a best-selling book that's been translated into multiple languages and I built a course to lead people through the transformational process I designed in the book.
How to Start Loving Yourself (and Boost Your Career)
I get it. You might be thinking, “This all sounds great, but how do I actually start loving myself?” It’s a valid question, and it’s not always easy. But it begins with small, intentional steps. Here’s what worked for me—and what can work for you too:
Stop Looking for Validation Outside Yourself Start by acknowledging your own strengths and celebrating your achievements. Recognize that you are worthy of success and happiness, just as you are.
Set Boundaries That Reflect Your Worth This means saying no to things that drain you, don’t align with your values, or don’t serve your growth. In your career, it means speaking up for what you need, whether that’s a fair salary, recognition, or work-life balance.
Invest in Your Growth Loving yourself means recognizing that you’re worthy of growth and development. Take the time and resources to invest in your career. Sign up for that course you’ve been eyeing. Seek out mentorship or networking opportunities. Learn new skills. The more you invest in yourself, the more you’ll see the rewards in your professional life.
Practice Self-Compassion We’re all human, and we all make mistakes. When things don’t go as planned in your career, don’t beat yourself up. Instead, practice self-compassion. Learn from your experiences, but don’t let setbacks define you. Just because you fail, doesn't mean you're a failure.
Conclusion
When you learn to love yourself, everything changes. Not just your relationships, but your career, your confidence, and your sense of purpose. You stop waiting for someone else to validate you because you already know your worth.
If you're looking for the love of your life, it could very well be you. When you fall in love with yourself, you’ll show up in your career with a new sense of power and clarity. You’ll make decisions from a place of self-respect, set boundaries that honor your worth, and go after the opportunities you’ve always dreamed of.
So take the first step today. Invest in your relationship with yourself, and watch how it transforms your career—and your entire life.
It's time to put self-love back in your heart!
Doug Dane
P.S. This blog was inspired by Chapter 19, "Why Don't You Love Me?" in my book, Mistaken Identity.
Very good post!