It's a word we often hear but rarely understand. Many of us carry shame with us like an invisible weight, and, over time, it seeps into almost every area of our lives, including our careers.
But why is that? How does shame impact the real-world outcomes we care about?
Let’s look at how it undermines your confidence and what you can do to overcome it to unlock the full potential of your career and financial well-being.
The Hidden Power of Shame
Shame is an intense emotion that makes us feel flawed, unworthy, or inadequate. It's often rooted in external judgment or our internalized beliefs about what is "right" or "wrong."
As Merriam-Webster defines it:
Shame is "a painful emotion caused by consciousness of guilt, shortcoming, or impropriety."
But here's the crucial thing to remember: shame is toxic. When you are shamed by others, or when you shame yourself, you internalize that judgment, often without realizing how deeply it affects you.
You start to see yourself as "less than" — whether it's because of a past mistake, a personal shortcoming, or a belief that you’re not measuring up in comparison to others.
But the truth is, most of these feelings stem from rules, values, and beliefs you didn’t create.
You were taught them, inherited them, and accepted them as truths. These beliefs change across cultures, religions, and even families.
What’s "right" in one place may be "wrong" in another. So why should you carry shame for failing to meet the standards of someone else's rules?
Shame has a sneaky way of infiltrating your career. It often shows up as:
Imposter Syndrome: You may feel like you don’t deserve the job, promotion, or recognition you’ve earned. Despite all evidence to the contrary, shame whispers that you're just "faking it" and eventually, everyone will find out you're not good enough.
Fear of Failure: The fear of making mistakes or getting something wrong can paralyze you. This fear stems from the shame you feel when you fall short of expectations—either your own or others'.
Low Self-Worth: Shame can erode your confidence, making you question your abilities. This lack of confidence holds you back from seizing opportunities, asking for raises, or even negotiating your salary.
The impact of shame on financial prosperity is equally damaging. Shame often leads to poor financial decisions because it causes:
Self-Sabotage: If you don't feel worthy of financial success, you may make choices that subconsciously undermine your ability to grow wealth. This could include overspending, avoiding saving, or procrastinating on critical financial decisions.
Undercharging for Your Services: Many professionals struggle with setting prices for their products or services. Shame makes you feel unworthy of charging what you’re truly worth, which limits your income and undermines your financial security.
Staying in a Toxic Job: If you’ve internalized that you’re not "good enough" for better opportunities, you may stay stuck in a job or situation that doesn't align with your potential simply because you don't believe you deserve better.
Avoidance of Financial Growth: Shame can create a mental barrier that prevents you from seeking financial advice. The belief that "I don’t deserve to be financially free" or "I’m bad with money" will keep you from learning about personal finance or making smart investments.
Shame doesn't serve you; it only holds you back. If you’ve been carrying shame—whether it’s from your past mistakes, your upbringing, or societal judgments—it's time to let it go.
Here’s how you can start:
Recognize It: The first step to overcoming shame is recognizing it for what it is. Shame often hides behind self-doubt, anxiety, or fear of failure. When you notice these feelings, acknowledge that they’re tied to shame, and that they’re not based on who you are, but on outdated or false beliefs.
Practice Self-Compassion: Instead of berating yourself for mistakes, show yourself the same compassion you would a friend. Learn from your errors, but don’t hold onto the guilt. Forgiveness—of both yourself and others—is one of the most powerful tools for releasing shame.
Seek Support: If shame is holding you back, talk to someone you trust—whether it’s a therapist, mentor, or friend. Sharing your story can lighten the load and give you new perspectives on how to move forward. In The Reset Retreat, I work with you every day for six weeks in a row so you can drop your shame and leave it where it belongs - in your past.
A Personal Story of Overcoming Shame
As I reflect on my own journey with shame, I realize how deeply it can affect every aspect of life. Growing up, I experienced shame in many forms—whether from my parents or the societal pressures placed upon me. I was told I should be ashamed of myself for not following the rules, for making mistakes, and for simply being human.
One moment in particular stands out. As a child in foster care, I did something terrible—something that left me feeling guilty and ashamed for a long time. But the shame didn’t serve me. It didn’t help me grow. It didn’t make me a better person. It only kept me stuck in a cycle of self-blame and fear.
What changed for me was recognizing that shame wasn’t my burden to carry. I had already paid the price for my mistakes, and I didn’t need to keep punishing myself. It wasn’t until I let go of shame that I was able to move forward, both personally and professionally. And that’s when the real growth happened—when I stopped believing that I wasn’t worthy.
Let Go of Shame, and Step into Your Full Potential
Shame may have had a stronghold on your past, but it doesn’t have to control your future. When you free yourself from the weight of shame, you unlock your true potential. You become empowered to pursue your career goals without fear, and your financial prosperity becomes an achievable reality.
Remember: whatever you’ve done in the past doesn’t define who you are today. You are worthy of success, love, and financial abundance. It’s time to stop being ashamed of who you are and start embracing the greatness that lies within you.
Shame holds you back in your career and financial growth by eroding confidence and fuels your self-doubt. In my book Mistaken Identity, and The Reset Retreat, I explore how shame distorts your self-worth and provide practical tools to break free.
By recognizing shame for what it is, practicing self-compassion, and embracing your strengths, you can overcome it and step into your full potential.
Let go of the past, reclaim your power, and unlock your true prosperity. If you need help with this, The Reset Retreat is the right place for you.
You’ve paid your dues. Now it’s time to move forward with confidence and live the life you deserve.
Doug Dane
P.S. If shame is your constant companion like it was for me, I will lead you out of it once and for all in The Reset Retreat.
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